close to transition

transition is an interesting word. it marks that phase that most like to skip and be butterflies. i, on the other hand, savor it's long moments of self-realization. i could live forever in transition.

here in the ameriworld, transition is a small phase between spikes. and since our present spike is coming to an end this coming friday, transition is on its way. i know i've been extremely horrible at updating my past month or two, but i will try to recap a few things. maybe until i get sick of recapping.

we are now in our final camp site in hockessin, deleware. im sitting in a science tech building where our showers and internet are located...right across from our living area. this building is 100% green and leed approved. i suppose i should be more excited than i am about this, considering what i've learned about green buildings. also, considering the last place we were in, this one is definitely living in luxury.

the cottage is where we stayed last week, and two weeks before. it was our spot for a horror plot in our team journal story (although i don't think anyone's came around to actually writing the specifics of this horror story), and not the warmest of places to stay in. i guess i could see worse. or maybe live in worse. in this camp, i learned to arch (yes im archery certified now, if you need a teacher im here for you. and yes i had to take the certification test twice. annnnd i could tell you the test was ridiculous, but so would be you asking me to teach you how to arch). i also helped install some insulation under a home, build a fence backyard, mess up and re-do part of a house foundation, paint the inside of a boathouse (which had the greatest view of the chesapeake bay), and cleaned some brush here or there. basically, i was brushpile, the cat ranger bob named me after. the whatever cat. ranger bob, aka bob, is our spike's number one character. he's our sponsor and has been with us for the past 8 weeks, and also referenced in many ways that only raven 6 could understand, for the past 8 weeks. needless to say, we've been working hard.

last weekend we learned to canoe and kayak (but not from the expert, ranger bob). it was a great experience. i felt almost like pocahontas. when we were doing rescue scenarios, sterling and i tipped our canoe over with the one we were trying to rescue. so we ended up also needing to be rescued. soooo, my point here...please do ask me to teach you how to canoe as well. i will try and save you if you drown.

there's so much to say, and now that i've gotten started i need to finish. i went to new york. pictures are coming soon to a facebook near you? the company was good (sterling, victoria, curtis, kareem, mike), the hostel was a-mazing, and so...the trip was too.

it's getting late. my fabrications are running short now. i suppose i use that word a lot. i'll call it a night. and i miss you all back home. especially my mama and her cooking. <3

fabrications

oh no! blogging has turned into a chore. i guess i made it that way. well, because of laziness, there will be no capital letters today. because i like it that way. and the cause of disorder is order.

i feel like blogging has turned into a fabrication of reality. something i need to do, but the thoughts aren't completely real. well, not like a thought vacuum, anyway.

now that that's out of the way, i would like to report how things have been going thus far. i'm currently sitting across from steven michael hendersen and next to sterling thomason at the perryville library. in case these specifics matter, we've been spending a lot of time together...and guess what? no storm yet. and i'm fine with peaceful skies. they have been with me for the past week on our first spike journey to a girl scouts camp in denton, maryland. soon to be a journey to earleville, maryland, then to fruitland, maryland, and lastly...we will indeed leave the state, and spend some time in hockessin, deleware.

so far, sterling and i have been painting, i suppose they want to make pros out of us because we haven't been doing much else besides that. i'm also not sure if their plan is working quite as smoothly as they'd hoped. but i am glad to be beautifying the girl scouts area, and feel highly privileged to be there in the woods, getting things done. for america.

today is the first free day i've had in about 3 weeks. all weekdays have been filled with preparation for spike, mini spikes, or actual work days. all weekends have been full of ISP's, which have new additions. besides the loading dock, i have helped in a wheelchair basketball tournament at the VA, helped trap cats so they could get vaccination shots, and helped clean up the world's biggest flower show in philadelphia. which was pretty cool to watch for an hour or so. the variety is nice, and so are the people i have been working with so far. so i'm feeling a bit lucky, if you believe in that stuff.

anyways, sorry for not updating as much as i should, i'm guessing i might slowly get worse at this, but i'll try not to. i will be playing frolf (frisbee golf) for the first time today. and it sounds exciting?

<3

The Power of Discomfort

Words continue to seep through my ears and gather what it seems to understand. I'm forever learning while I'm here... while I'm anywhere. There are so many different people to see, meet, and understand. Because seeing never really cuts it.

It's third week of training and life at "the Point" is getting busy and a bit tiring. Not that I'm not enjoying it, because I am. Our physical training is at 6am, and if you know me, you know I'm not a morning person. But morning views are gorgeous, and the small town for war vets combined with a massive variety of people from all across America is worth the discomfort.

Corps training, however, is a different kind of discomfort. One I can't seem to keep awake doing. We have gone through multiple lectures on Peaceful Communication, Shelter Training, Tool Training, and various other things like an "Anti-Drugs and Alcohol" speech. Though they seem to have a sole purpose, so far most of these training sessions have oddly disappeared from my memory. Although, I can confidently say I am CPR and First Aide certified once again.

We have a new team, and I'm now one of 10 members of Raven 6. As much as I liked my old POD (our temporary team), this new team is also exciting. Our team leader seems like a "stay-on-top-of-things" kind of person, and I hope that influences me to stay on top of things, instead of the "dwell-and-drift-into-multiple-things" kind of person I am. Some quality team time has been spent like bowling, lazer tag, t-shirt making, ISP's (Individual Service Projects), and our soon to be mini spike. Our first time out of 9H for team service work. We will be working at a Girl Scout camp out in Denton, Maryland making sure they have a safe and enjoyable place to stay when they start their camp. I'm not sure of the exact details on this, so I'll stop at that.

Tonight is rather peaceful, only because it's a Saturday and I can finally sleep in tomorrow. I went to a Coptic Church last Sunday with my two roommates and the experience was different, in a nice way. It was a one hour drive, so this Sunday is probably a different story. Especially after a tiring day of ISP today, which was my first 8 hours of individual service. We went to a loading dock in Baltimore where they sell used housing supplies for a small amount of money. Like the Goodwill of Home Depot. I think the dust there is what finally got me sick, but I'm happy I went. Our team leader, Beth, asked us how we felt after completing our first ISP, and I quoted the Loading Dock quote by saying "It felt good to 'make a home out of what other people throw away.'" Although that isn't what we did, we were just organizing and stocking, it was interesting to me that you actually could do it. And I think it's places like that, their relationship with the quote they had, and the connection it gave me, that make me realize how important it is to be here. How important it is to serve...even if it means making myself uncomfortable. Because usually, discomfort is what empowers you.

Wolf Den

I made it to the wolf den without getting lost. Maybe it was because my roommate was with me. Us 9H dormers live about a mile away from the villagers...where the computer lab is with internet service. It's an old home built in the 1920's. The whole Wolf, Ravens, Badgers idea really just makes me feel like I live at Hogwarts. Maybe I'm wrong. (I'm a Raven...just in case you'd like to know.)

I've been here for almost 3 days now and we haven't been up to much yet. Training hasn't started quite yet, no physicals have been done, yesterday we got stuck indoors because of a snowstorm...but I have never met so many new and interesting people at once. I have a group "Raven 1" that is tentative. Meaning, they aren't permanent. but the more we are together, the more appealing each one of them seems to become. I guess that's how people are in general. Especially in a place where you know no one and everyone is ready and willing to meet you.

It seems that things will always be up in the air while I'm here. We just have to grab what we can, and go with it. Which is why they want us to be flexible. And adapting to it, so far, has been exhilarating. We'll see how it lasts. I've never seen or shoveled snow. Never lived so far away from home. Never lived in a hospital that's turned into a dorm, and with 7 girls. I know things will change, and I'm ok with it. Being open to change is the most exciting part about being here.

Our group leaders wanted us to get to know our group, so one of the activities she assigned was to bring three things you can't live without. Which, most supposed, would be things you brought with you. I immediately thought of objects like my journal or colored pencils I brought along. But, my roommate started to make me think of it a little more. I began to analyze "live," and thought of things like food and water, warmth and oxygen. These are things the general population needs to survive. To live without them, you will physically die. But what about your spirit? Is this not what really gives you life? Or feeling at all? Perhaps, if you read this, you can share what three things you can't live without are.

To everyone back home...thanks for all your love and support. You are definitely something I can't live without. Spiritually and physically.

Ready Will Find Me

My room is a mess-full of random winter warm things I'll probably layer myself with. California really doesn't teach one to know what to expect in Maryland. I'm having anxiety dreams. I've got a million things running through my head. A million people I know I'll miss. I know I won't be ready, but reality tells me, ready will find me.

My last days of tutoring were last week. The goodbyes were surprisingly hard. The kids that always give me a hard time, seemed sad that I was leaving. And I knew I,too, would miss they're silliness. Tristan and Jesse weren't the easiest of kids to have together, but they were definitely entertaining. And not to mention the girls that melt my heart, with their hugs and sad goodbyes. I only stayed with them for a month or so, and it seems like they were the real teachers.

I'm encompassed by love here. What will I find there? What will become of a turtle that leaves its shell? Discoveries? The "Naked Truth." Maybe.

I hear Belky watching Seinfeld downstairs. Home from work. And I remember what he told me last week. "It's nice to sit in a bagel shop and just watch people. You get this good feeling. Like there's people out there with a world completely different than yours." Yes. And I think that's exactly what I'm preparing my mind for. The variety, the differences, the world. Not my world, but theirs.

I've been feeling quite complacent...so to anyone that feels ignored or neglected by me at the moment, please forgive me. I can't help my weird communicative nature.

Until next time I suppose. <3

Participating

I hope to keep this honest and updated, but I can't make any promises. It's a rainy day in Modesto, and I can't help but not participate and dwell. My future prospects include deep participation, and with that in mind, I've become a bum. Ironic as it may seem.

I don't know what I'm heading into, and it makes me nervous and excited both at once. I've never blogged in this way before, but hopefully it will become a good way to keep family and friends somewhat updated on my travels..which I haven't started quite yet.

Many people I know have asked me why am I doing this. In return I have to ask why not? In a drowning world, should we not learn to swim? Sometimes I cry selfish tears, and sometimes, when I'm more aware of the world around me, my tears are for the sick, the hungry, the poor. Two years ago, I found myself reading the book "A Thousand Splendid Suns" and feeling like a spoiled ungrateful girl. Sad because I didn't have things I don't necessarily need. And it occurred to me that, not only were there less fortunate people around the world, but I was sitting there, well fed, in a nice home with a bed and warm sheets, and a loving and caring family, aware that there were people without these things and not doing a thing about it. And my unselfish tears were built inside me at that point. They never really went away.

I know this is a new chapter, and I know it'll be hard. But it's exactly the kind of challenge I'm willing to take. And I'm very grateful for this opportunity. There are a few things I need to do..practicalities. I must say my hello's and goodbyes. I must pack my things thoroughly, although I never quite understood "packing light." There's always something I tend to forget..and something I don't really need I tend to bring. I must make sure I fill out my forms, and mostly, I must make my mental preparations. I must open my heart and my mind to what I will soon experience. 10 months of participation. How's that for change Mr. President.

To the ones that care most: 10 months is a long time, but not forever. And this blog is for you.